Somewhere Down the Road

This is my last post on this blog. I started this blog because of you, kalbo. I choose to end this blog because of you. I have no strength to finish the 100 memories with you. A hundred will never suffice what we have together.
There is one thing that I have not told you: from the first day I met you and we talked and our arms brushed, I know you are the one. I don't know why. But it was true. It is still true. And I know, it will stay that way.

Alagaan mo ang mga bebis natin. Alam kong hahanap-hanapin ako ng mga yun, sa akin talaga sumusunod yun, akala mo lang sa'yo. Kilala nila kung sino ang nanay nila. :-)
Alagaan mo ang mukha mo at ilong mong malaki na dalawang beses ng ilong ko.
Tulog ka ng marami, ok? Palakihin mo ulit ang ab at maskels mo.
Alagaan mo yung kuko mo sa paa, linisin mo at gamitin mo ang pang-pedicure ni mama mo.
Alagaan mo rin yung tuhod mo.
Alagaan mo sina mama at papa mo, pati si Dandan and Reg. Pati lahat jan sa bahay.
And thank you...

I choose to end this with this song. Maaalala mo si Dino, for sure, dahil mahilig siya sa mga ganitong klaseng kanta.

Somewhere Down the Road by Barry Manilow

We had the right love
At the wrong time
Guess I always knew inside
I wouldn't have you for a long time

Those dreams of yours
Are shining on distant shores
And if they're calling you away
I have no right to make you stay
But

Somewhere down the road
Our roads are gonna cross again
It doesn't really matter when
But somewhere down the road
I know that heart of yours
will come to see
That you belong with me

Sometimes goodbyes are not forever
It doesn't matter if you're gone
I still believe in us together
I understand more than you think I can
You have to go out on your own
So you can find your way back home
And

Somewhere down the road
Our roads are gonna cross again
It doesn't really matter when
But somewhere down the road
I know that heart of yours
will come to see
That you belong with me
Letting go is just another way to say
I'll always love you so

We had the right love
At the wrong time
Maybe we've only just begun
Maybe the best is yet to come
'Cause

Somewhere down the road
Our roads are gonna cross again
It doesn't really matter when
But somewhere down the road
I know that heart of yours
will come to see
That you belong
With me

~ o ~

Good Feeling

Good feeling, won't you stay with me just a little longer?

It always seems like you're leaving when I need you here just a little longer

Dear lady, there's so many things that I have come to fear

Little voice says I'm going crazy to see all my worlds disappear

Vague sketch of a fantasy laughing at the sunrise like he's been up all night

Ooh, slipping and sliding, what a good time but now, I have to find a bed that can take this weight

Good feeling, won't you stay with me just a little longer?

It always seems like you're leaving when I know the other one just a little too well

Oh, dear lady, won't you stay with me just a little longer?

You know it always seems like you're leaving when I need you here just a little longer

O Hesus Hilumin Mo

O Hesus, hilumin Mo

Aking sugatang puso

Nang aking mahango

Kapwa kong kasimbigo

Hapis at pait Iyong patamisin

At hagkan ang sakit

Nang magningas ang rikit

O Hesus, hilumin Mo

Aking sugatang puso

Nang aking mahango

Kapwa kong kasimbigo

Aking sugatang diwa't katawan

Ay gawing daan

Ng 'Yong kaligtasan

O Hesus, hilumin Mo

Aking sugatang puso

Nang aking mahango

Kapwa kong kasimbigo...

Thank you...

Thank You for answering my prayers. I know that this is not easy. It really is painful and I know that I am not the only that is broken.

Still, You continue to show your mercy and grace, that You are here with me, with us.
I thought that You left me yesterday, but You just let me find my way to You. Not the same way as I have expected, but much better. Thank You for all the things You are pouring to us, even though sometimes we are blinded by our own intentions and instincts to see Your true will. Please give us an open heart and mind, strength and courage to see Your ways.

And finally, thank You for always guiding us to be our best that we can be, through the happiest and darkest hours of our lives, that You are preparing us for something beyond this, something eternal.

Larawan

Hindi pa ako handang pakawalan ang mga alaala mo,

lalong lalo na ang larawang ito.

Larawang nagkahon ng pag-ibig natin,

nagtangkang isalamin

ang laman ng mga puso, hindi man aminin.

Pinakaunang pagsubok sa isang paglalakbay

na magkahawak ang ating mga kamay,

nangarap na hanggang sa dulo ng tulay

naroon ka, panatag na naghihintay.

Malaya kang hanapin ang kakulang hinahanap,

hindi man magiging madali ang sa yao'y pagtanggap.

At sa unti-unting pagkupas ng larawang tangan,

Hangad ko lamang ay ang tunay mong kaligayahan...

Sa ngayon,

hindi pa ako handang pakawalan ang mga alaala mo.

Daily Devotional

Keeping a Clear Mind
ROMANS 12:1-2

The human mind is an amazing creation of God. Nothing on earth can match its capabilities or creativity. It controls feelings, thoughts, words, attitudes, and behavior. Who we become and what we achieve are largely due to how and what we think. Wouldn't it make sense to let the One who created us guide our thought processes?

A clear mind is one that's aligned with God's Word and controlled by His Spirit. When the Lord has authority over our thoughts, discernment will guard our perspective. He empowers us to look beyond the surface and view situations as they really are. We can distinguish not just between right and wrong but also between good and best. The Lord has granted us the ability to think rightly no matter what challenges may face us.

But such clear, focused thinking must be deliberately chosen and diligently maintained. If we don't guard against the world's influence, we will find ourselves squeezed into its mold. Soon we'll have a fragmented mind that cannot focus on spiritual things because it is cluttered and clogged with worldly thoughts and concerns. We must carefully consider what we allow into our minds. So ask yourself,Is this helping me become the person God wants me to be, or is it hindering the process?


A renewed mind begins with surrender to the Lord. Until you give Him full authority over your thoughts, you'll have no power to clear out the clutter that hinders you from living in the fullness of His will. But as you yield to Him and fill your mind with His Word, He'll transform your life.

The Return of the Prodigal Son

In college, I have encountered the book "The Return of the Prodigal Son" in one of my theology classes. I do not remember what the book says, neither what my professor has taught me about the book. The only thing that I am sure is I have felt something strongly about that book and what my professor has said to me and my classmates that I have tried to search for it in all the bookstores that I know. But unfortunately, at that time, it was always out of stock. Just now, I just remember that book because it is one of the topics that my friend Vanessa and I have been talking about because we are planning to go to a Rembrandt exhibit at the National Museum of Western Art in Tokyo this coming Sunday. It will be our last opportunity, as of now, to see the paintings of Rembrandt here in Japan because the exhibit will be moved to another country, and the last day of that exhibit will be this coming Sunday. One of the famous painting of Rembrandt is The Return of the Prodigal Son, which is the inspiration of the said book I am talking about. So now, I searched if amazon.jp has stock for this book, and I saw it, but I just browsed on the pages provided by the site. This paragraph struck me the most:

But what about of the father? Why pay so much attention to the sons when it is the father who is in the center and when it is the father with whom I am to identify? Why talk so much about being like the sons when the real question is: Are you interested in being like the father? It feels somehow good to be able to say: "These sons are like me." It gives a sense of being understood. But how does it feel to say:"The father is like me"? Do I want to be not just the one who is being forgiven, but also the one who forgives; not just the one who is being welcomed home, but also the one who welcomes home; not just the one who receives compassion, but the one who offers it as well?

In my whole life, I thought I know how to really forgive. Until now, I know that I am nowhere near to the father's forgiving nature. But one thing I know I am sure of: that I want to be like the father. That everyday and every moment, I try to become like him, because I know a glimpse of how to be a son returning to his father, and the brother who also stayed. And Someone is creating a path that is showing me that my ultimate purpose is something not in this world, something eternal. 

I have seen how a small thing can be a vital piece in a puzzle. 

I have seen how my pains and others' pains can turn into joy, how every encounter with everything or anyone can be significant in my life.

And finally, I have seen how He works in my life.

Luke 7:47

"Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven--for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little."

Cross in My Pocket

I have an actual pocket cross given to me by a very special person, a long time ago. He gave it to me when I was very afraid of something intangible, something I could not explain and prove to be real, and was messing with my mind and heart. I read it, put it in my pocket, and forgot about it.

Last night, when I was feeling that fear again, he was there to remind me of that cross he gave me, reminding me of Someone greater than my fear, Who is with me all time and will protect me by His precious blood.

I made this post-it like picture for me as my desktop wallpaper, to find my way back to Him in times that I thought I could not hear His voice nor feel His presence. I made this for my friend Vanessa, because I know that I am not the only one who is feeling these lapses, all of us feels that way sometimes. I made this for those who do not want to face their fears but instead run away from them. I made this for You, that I know that I am still asking for answers to those questions I do not understand at all, but I know in myself that I will try and try to find my way back to You, since I know You are real, You are here with me always.

Praying With Your Legs

I always follow updates in Things We Forget blog. It is simple, yet true. I find it amazing since they present "things we forget" in a cute and simple way of drawings in post-its. It really catches my attention since I am sort of OC and one of my OC stuff is post-its. :) Another thing that I want from this blog are the "things we forget", because basically we already know them but we cannot see and feel the meaning because we are not yet ready to accept their true significance in our lives.

Today, I found this post which caught my attention since I could not understand its meaning:

The thing that first came to my mind was something to do with a famous Filipino proverb, "Nasa Diyos ang awa, nasa tao ang gawa." So I googled this phrase to confirm if my hunch was true. And then I saw this forum where someone was sharing and ultimately lead to the phrase "pray with your legs".

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Ladies I wanted to share this excerpt from a wonderful, godly, career coach by the name of Dan Miller. I hope it will bless you as you read it with an open mind.

"I prayed for twenty years but received no answer until I prayed with my legs." -- Frederick Douglass

Okay – I referenced this quotation last week and it continues to prompt a whole lot of questions from you, our readers. People want to know what that means, and furthermore, can I find scripture to support whatever it means.

Yes, I see far too many people who are “praying” for solutions and answers – and simply living in that prayerful mode – hands folded and eyes closed, waiting on God to supernaturally give them the specific answer that will remove their challenge. So, just how does God answer our prayers?

Imagine any of these situations with me:

• You really need a job
• You’d like a better car
• You want to make peace with your spouse
• Your lawn mower is broken
• You want to have a best-selling book
• You would like to have a college degree
• You want to be a more effective parent
• You must have $5,000 for a new air conditioning unit

I believe God is the providential supplier of everything we need. But I also believe that his delivery system requires our active participation – “praying with our legs.” If you need a job identify 30-40 target companies; contact them each three times and God will provide a job. If you want a best-selling book write something of value then be willing to persist through the rejection of 14 publishers as Max Lucado did with his first book (his books have now sold over 30 million copies.) – and watch God open doors. If you want a college degree explore six options for doing so that are possible even while you continue working. Block out 2 hours a day for focused study and see God allow that degree to be yours.

And can I find scripture to support faith and prayer that involve our legs? Oh yeah. My favorite is in Exodus 14:15. Moses is dealing with those whining, complaining children of Israel who see the Egyptians coming after them in the desert. I can just see them on their knees, praying and begging God to solve their problems. And the verse says –“Then the Lord said to Moses, ‘Quit praying and get the people moving! Forward, march!’” (Living Bible)

God provides food for the birds – but he doesn’t just show up and throw it in their nest. Sometimes the exercise of faith we need most may be to engage our spiritual quadriceps, stretch those hamstrings and use our gluteus maximus for something other than supporting our head while we pray. 

===

Yeah, God provides all of the things we need, not too much, not less, but just enough. And as I have said in my previous post : He is truly and always revealing Himself to each us, but we should first open our hearts to Him, acknowledge His pure love by accepting His gift of salvation. We do not have to earn His gift since He already has given it to us, freely, by the death of Jesus Christ. And then we can start the "real" change in our lives, by taking the "hints" God has provided for each of us, which is seeing God's hand in everything we do, trusting Him that every little, big, happy, or sad thing that is happening in our lives has always a significance. Be careful to really see if that "hint" is really God speaking to you. Sometimes, bread crumb trail is scattered  in your path, which at first, lets you think that you can go back home with the help of those crumbs. However, it can lead you to nowhere when the birds starts to eat those crumbs and you will eventually get lost.

But remember this: God always provides. Even for those who are not yet ready to accept Him. He will cast white and steady stones along your path to guide your way home to Him. All He wants is our best, starting with a true "Yes" from our hearts. And, like a blind man who has been given his sight back, we start to see things in a different perspective. This is truly and ultimately our part, "gawa", or "legs": seeing God in everything. :)

One God, One Mighty Hand :)

My good friend Vanessa shared me this daily devotional passage. :)
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God Is Always In Control
ISAIAH 45:5-7

I admit that I often don't understand why bad things happen. Even so, I believe that God has a purpose for everything He does or permits. My faith is rooted in the biblical principle that says the Lord is sovereign (Ps. 22:28). He is in absolute control of this universe, the natural and political climate of this earth, and my life and yours.


When we are in the midst of a trial, it is hard to resist crying out, "God, Why is this happening?" Sometimes we get the answer and sometimes we don't. What we can be sure of is that nothing happens by accident or coincidence. He has a purpose for even our most painful experiences. Moreover, we have His promise to "cause all things to work together for good to those who love God" (Rom. 8:28).


Seeing in advance how the Lord will work evil or hurt for our benefit is very difficult, if not impossible. My limited human perspective doesn't allow me to grasp His greater plan. However, I can confirm the truth of this biblical promise because the Father's good handiwork appears all through my pain, hardship, and loss. I have experienced Him turn mourning into gladness and have seen Him reap bountiful blessings and benefits from my darkest hours.


As believers, we must accept that God won't always make sense to us. Isaiah teaches that His ways and thoughts are higher than our own (Isa. 55:9). He sees the beautifully completed big picture. We can rely on the fact that God is in control, no matter how wildly off-kilter our world seems to spin.

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Based from what happened in my life recently, honestly, I sometimes find it difficult to believe that yeah, God is real, He is here with me, He is here with us. Because it is not logical, it is not, as what scientists called, "scientific". But during those times that my faith in Him is somehow shaken, He provides a way to bring me back to Him. He ALWAYS provides. Not in a grand or obvious way, but in a subtle, hint-like events, because He loved us that much that He still wants us to freely choose to love Him. Even for those who do not love and acknowledge Him. That pure love is always there for us. We just have to accept it and embrace it. You just have to look through your heart and mind in a different perspective. Upon seeing God's revelation in the smallest and simplest of things,  I, without hesitation, jumps to His arms again. :) And then I just smile and tell myself, "Everything truly happens for a reason." :)

A Hundred Memories: Memory 5

Remember this? :) Kasama ko pa sa dorm si Dekay niyan. Hindi pa tayo niyan. Natatawa nga ako sa suot mo kasi ang pormal mo eh, tapos ako, as usual casual and hindi mo masyadong sinasabi noon sa akin, pero revealing nga yung mga suot ko. Sa'yo ko nga natutunan na mejo i-tame down yun. Remember our first date? Na sabi ko bakit sakin nakatingin lahat sa simbahan ng EDSA Shrine, kasi mejo normal lang sakin talaga magsuot ng ganun. Hindi ka sumagot noon. Tapos tinanong ko ulit sa'yo nung naging tayo na, and sinabi mo na paano ba naman, kita lahat lahat.:) Kumain tayo sa napakasosyal na Kenny Roger's sa Galleria. Habang kumakain ka, naghihimay ako ng manok ko. Tapos pinakain ko sa'yo lahat! :) Nung pauwi tayo, hinatid mo ako, kasi ganun ka talagang tao na nalaman ko naman nung naging tayo na. At dahil hindi ako marunong magpigil sa mga nararamdaman ko, na alam kong gusto na kita nun, hinalikan kita ng paulit-ulit sa pisngi. Sabi mo nga akala mo nasisiraan ako ng bait, parang ewan ako. Pero hindi mo naman ako pinigilan. :)
Alam mo yung pinakanaaalala ko sa date na yun?

The moment you held my hand, and how my hand perfectly fitted yours. :)

And for the record, sinadya kong isuot ang green na damit na yun, just to impress you. But you're not that kind of guy, I know that now.

...

im holding on to something precious..
but you are torn apart.. when you are by my side..
torn between you and me..
im also torn apart..
your happiness is my happiness..but at the same time it's also my pain..
my happiness is your happiness..but at the same time it's also your pain..

how can i give your happiness when it will be my pain?
and how can you give mine if it will your pain?

i know this is not easy..it never was..and it will never be..
that's why im giving myself, my whole heart, to you..
can you still trust your heart to me..?
can you still trust yourself to me..?

Falling In Love With You

I love you because you don't always tell me I'm pretty; you tell me if I really am.
I love you because when I ask you, "Fat na ba ako?", you'll answer with a mischievous smile, and a sarcastic "Hindi!"
I love you because you sleep like oil in a cold weather; and I have to call you several times just so you can get up on time for work.
I love you because you often give me useful gifts and not so much flowers.
I love you because you are stubborn at times.
I love you because you are patient with me if I am stubborn and in tampururot mode and selosa mode.
I love you because you love Kenshin and Kaoru very much.
I love you when you are sick and yucky and smelly.
I love you because you choose to stay even after my darkest moments.
I love you still when you feel like giving up on us.
I love you because when the time comes that I'll be the one who feels like giving up, I will stay.
And I love you because we're real. Because I am ready to spend my life with you, through thick and thin.
I love you because I know no other way than this.

Losing Keys

Sometimes, I picture ourselves, dancing in a quiet room, just us... My hands are curled up at your nape, your arms embracing my hips tightly yet gently towards your body.. My head is resting peacefully on your shoulder while your head is resting on mine.. Our feet who know nothing about the soft music playing on the background, just follow their own pace, drifting very slowly along with our hearts to a place only the two us know, only the two us can and will ever experience.

 ~ o ~

Don't worry

Everybody in the room notices you

Sit back and relax

The night is early

We are about to overdo it

So come and tell me something that you've already told me

Cause everybody's heard our lovely stories

I'm hoping some of them are true

I've been losing lots of keys lately,

I don't know what that means

But maybe I've been better off with things that can't be locked at all

I've been feeling kind of sea sick lately,

See you reaching to me come and save me

You or me, I would much rather take the fall

The world has it's ways

To quiet us down

The world has it's ways

To quiet us down comes the rain

Down comes our spirits again

But down comes the strength

To lift us up and then...

Been going up when now

For to long

Forget how

To let go

Seems to hard

To late now

To turn around

The world has it's ways

To quiet us down

The world has it's ways

To quiet us down comes rain

Down goes our spirits again

Down comes the strength

To lift us up and then...

A Hundred Memories: Memory 4

This was taken recently, January 19th 2011, my last birthday with you. You surprised me with a dozen red roses while you were pretending to prepare our dinner.

You seldom give me something pretty.

You seldom give me flowers.

But when you do, you don't even need to ask me how I feel, just look at my face.

Make You Feel My Love

When the rain is blowing in your face

And the whole world is on your case

I could offer you a warm embrace

To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear

And there is no one there to dry your tears

I could hold you for a million years

To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet

But I would never do you wrong

I've known it from the moment that we met

No doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry I'd go black and blue

I'd go crawling down the avenue

No there's nothing that I wouldn't do

To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on the rolling sea

And on the highway of regret

Though winds of change are blowing wild and free

You ain't seen nothing like me yet

I could make you happy make your dreams come true

Nothing that I wouldn't do

Go to the ends of the earth for you

To make you feel my love

To make you feel my love...

Letter for You

Sometimes I just want to be be asleep, coz when I am, I get to be with you.

I can just talk to you, face to face, and it seems we can understand each other.

And like we used to, this kind of problem we are experiencing right now, it just vanishes.

Nothing matters.

How many days since I last saw you?

43 days.

And do you miss me?

I miss you every damn day.

I will give you space, if that's what you really need.

I am just here, even if you're not sure if your path will lead to mine.

Coz, I am sure that you're the one I want and love to be with.

I am just here, mahal.

Please do remember that..

Are you looking at the right places? Is the one lacking not in our relationship, but actually inside you, in yourself?

And if you decided to come back to me, I will embrace and welcome you with open arms,

like I always used to.

My two cents:

Love in a relationship is never tested when the sky is clear: only, and always,

during the storm. Every relationship needs a lot of effort to work out.

Was I worth it?

Am I still worth it?

And if not, I need to walk away from your life, too.

Completely.

Even if right now, I can't imagine how.

But I need to. I have to.

I will just bring all the memories of the times I am with you, with your family and friends.

All the good times and bad times. Especially the bad times, coz right after those times, you were still with me.

And if you're wondering..

Are you worth it?

Yes.

Absolutely.

A Hundred Memories: Memory 3

These were taken on All Souls Day 2009, November 1 at Himlayan Tandang Sora. This was my first time to celebrate UNDAS season with your family, since often times you have clients calls during holidays. I was glad because you're around, and we were able to go to the cemetery with your family. :)

Walking towards the tiny hill

Candid shot, but still handsome. :)

Candles for the beloved ones :)

Me with my short hair :)

Meticulously painting the "puntod"

Hmm..see how the painting changes from top to bottom. Paganda ba ng paganda? :p

Biggie Devil dog. I miss Kenshin and Kaoru, kahit na super gulo nila. :(

A Hundred Memories: Memory 2

These were taken on June 20, 2009 at Kuya Brian and Ate Angelica's wedding. Our first wedding together, and our first wedding on Manila Cathedral church (since we also attended another wedding at the same church). :)

I remembered we were having problems back then.. but we're still happy at the wedding.

Sabi mo nga ang sexy ko sa damit ko na hiniram pa kay Chloe, kasama yung sapatos.

Sexy kahit wala masyadong nakalabas na skin. And I also remembered the song while Ate Angelica was walking down the aisle. It was sang by Lea Salonga, composed for her wedding.

Two Words

In a while, in a word,

Every moment now returns.

For a while, seen or heard,

How each memory softly burns.

Facing you who brings me new tomorrows,

I thank God for yesterdays,

How they led me to this very hour,

How they led me to this place...

Every touch, every smile,

You have given me in care.

Keep in heart, always I'll,

Now be treasuring everywhere.

And if life should come to just one question,

Do I hold this moment true?

No trace of sadness,

Always with gladness...

'I DO...'

Now a song that speaks of now and ever,

Beckons me to someone new,

Unexpected, unexplored, unseen,

Filled with promise coming through.

In a while, in a word,

You and I forever change,

Love so clear, never blurred,

Has me feeling wondrous, strange,

And if life should come to just one question,

Do I face each moment true?

No trace of sadness, always with gladness,

'I DO...'

Never with sadness...

Always with gladness...

'I...DO....'

I do.

I still do, mahal.